To Forgive and Forget
by Darkmoon Fleur
Summary: After phase 50 of GSD. Athrun ponders about Kira. Kira thinks Athrun is lying to him. Both have still a last lesson to learn about friendship.


**Rating**: K+

**Main Characters**: Athrun and Kira.

**Pairings**: none. Very slight hint of Kira/Lacus and Athrun/Cagalli.

**Summary**: After phase 50 of GSD. Athrun ponders about Kira. Kira thinks Athrun is lying to him. Both have still a last lesson to learn about friendship.

**Disclaimer :** I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny.

Thanks to Disturbed Insomniac for your help!

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**To Forgive and Forget**

Athrun Zala entered his room shared with his best friend on the Archangel, and let himself fall heavily on his bed. He put his right hand over his forehead and sighed. The battle was finished at last, and hopefully from now on, things will be heading toward a peace treaty. Now that Lacus had returned, and most of ZAFT dirigeants acknowledging it was indeed her and not some other impostor, he was sure together with Cagalli, the situation could only improve.

The Plants were certainly in a very hectic and confused state. After all the Chairman, they thought they had faith in, was dead. After almost all battles had finished, he had followed Kira into Messiah. He didn't want to take the risk to lose him once again... and moreover, he _needed_ to face the Chairman once more, to face the man he believed in once, and _understand_ why he did all those things. But what had most surprised him when he had set foot into the room, was the back of his best friend facing Dullindal, both a gun in their hands.

Kira... the one who didn't wish to fight, the last person he could fathom pointing a gun at someone. Still his stance had been determined, without any hint of hesitation... he wondered why? The answer was quite simple now that he thought about it.

Kira had his beliefs, and followed them no matter the sacrifices needed. He had once told Cagalli that Kira didn't change. In a way he didn't indeed, he had always been a self sacrifying person, kind and generous. But on the other hand, he was much more determined and stronger than before, it was as if he had found his answer. Kira was no longer a crybaby, he didn't shed one tear anymore... but he wondered if that really was a good thing or not.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips. Just as he began to close his eyes, he heard someone enter the room and sat on the opposite bed. Cracking one eyelid open, he saw a man with dark brown messy hair, in Orb's general uniform, in other words: Kira.

When the boy still didn't say anything, Athrun decided to sit fully on his bed, and studied him carefully. Kira was sitting on the opposite bed, looking in front of him and in deep thought, as if he was in another world. Now that Athrun thought about it, since he had returned from ZAFT, those two talks on earth before landing, and on Copernicus aside, the two hadn't spoken properly. Once again, just like after the first war, it seemed that their friendship wasn't as strong as before; but it was still there –and that was the most important thing. Despite the invisible wall that seemed to separate them now, and the rising tension in the room, Athrun should not feel afraid. After all, if they had managed to be best friends again after trying to kill each other, why should he now worry about their friendship?

But...

There _was_ a but.

Despite all his reasoning, despite all the logic and comforting thoughts, Athrun Zala feared he might lose his friend forever. And he didn't want that. He would _never_ want that, _never_ would he want to think he was dead because of _him_.

The blue haired boy almost shook his head to dismiss those unwelcoming thoughts as he focused back on the still stubbornly silent young man. He finally decided to clear slightly his throat.

"Hum...so..." He didn't even know what to say.

He hated that.

He hated they could not go back to their carefree attitudes they once had.

He hated Kira's refusal to look at him in the eyes.

But most of all...

Athrun hated his own weakness and cowardice.

So he tried to be more courageous and confront, _talk_ to his best friend.

"So Kira...it's good that the fighting is over, isn't it?" he smiled slightly, he _was_ happy the war was over, but just couldn't seem be in a joyful mood.

"Yeah..." was his only reward.

The brown haired boy nodded slightly, looking at his folded hands. Now that Athrun began to talk, he decided there was no backing away, and kept talking.

"To think that even after the battle, it took us a week in space first to check everything here, and finally start negotiations..."he sighed softly, still eyeing the other Coordinator carefully, waiting for a reaction. "But now that Lacus and Cagalli are there, I supposed everything will be alright. It's not that surprising the Council called Lacus back on the Plants." He smiled at the perspective of seeing his home again. "By the way, we should get there by tomorrow, you will finally see how it's like."

Kira winced slightly at the last part, but Athrun sure didn't miss it, as his smile was replaced by a frown.

"What's wrong, Kira?"

"Nothing," he said in an almost unemotional voice as he shook his head slowly.

Athrun clearly didn't buy that, not when his friend used _that_ voice. Why was he shaken up by the mention of the Plants?

"You know you are a bad liar." He simply said.

The brown haired boy shifted slightly on the bed.

"Really Athrun, you should stop worrying. I might have a lot on my mind, but I'm fine."

How false that sounded. Kira, himself, almost cringed at his own declaration, but didn't take back his words, and even nodded instead, as if to confirm to himself he was right.

"Kira..." Athrun said in a warning tone. Yes he was fed up with his behaviour now. During the war, Kira was so strong and was the one giving support; so why did he have to act like this now? Was it his fault? Athrun feared he already knew the answer even though he didn't know the reason.

"Didn't we already have this talk?" Athrun added with a hint of pleading in his voice. He thought back at that time on the beach, before this war. They did talk, they did find an understanding at last, but now all the efforts seemed to have been crushed. But something in that question must have triggered an alarm in Kira's head, as he finally looked up. His amethyst eyes were a mixture of sadness, emptiness, happiness and anger. One could wonder how possible it was to express that many feelings.

"I do remember, Athrun," he began softly but then frowned, visibly perturbed by something that was on his mind for a long time. "But do _you_?"

Athrun blinked with surprise, he certainly didn't expect that. "What?"

Kira frowned more visibly, his voice slightly sharp, but Athrun couldn't really tell if it was out of anger or because he was trying to keep his emotions in control. "What I mean is : back then were _you_ truthful?" He paused a short moment as if he struggled to make himself keep speaking. On the other hand, Athrun was speechless, momentarily froze in time. "Did ... Did you really ever forgive me for what I had – have – done?" His voice cracked slightly.

That took Athrun out of his frozen state. He had to reassure Kira.

"Of course, Kira!" he hurriedly exclaimed aghast. "How can you think I could still feel anger towards you?"

The brown haired boy got up suddenly, eyes downcasted at his right side.

"How can I not, Athrun?!" he shouted, more emotionallythan he would have liked. But he had to admit it: he completely lost his cool, for the first time since a long time. It was as if everything he had bottled up until now, exploded. And the victim was Athrun. He raised his sharp violet eyes and met Athrun's.

Remorse, anger, sorrow, _lost_.

"How... can I not?" he repeated.

Athrun also got up and squeezed his shoulder. "Don't worry..."

But Kira sharply shook his hand off and glared half-heartedly at him. "Stop lying too, Athrun!"

He inhaled deeply bitterness tainted his voice.

"I... I know you do... Please just stop pretending... I can't bear it! _My hands are tainted by the ones I've killed_, remember? You told me that yourself didn't you? And you're _so_ right! "

He sighed loudly again and sank back on his bed, his hand covering his half closed eyes.

"I'm so tired, Athrun...I... I just want..."

_I just want to be forgiven...I just want to forget._

Even if he didn't say that aloud, Athrun perfectly knew what he meant. He still couldn't move, staring blankly at his friend, as if his body went into pause mode, while his mind was in a complete mess. Memories of that day in Crete flooded back to him. A beautiful sunset, a meeting on a cliff, Cagalli –his dear Cagalli – lost into her own duty, Miriallia Haww looking worriedly back and forth at them, and Kira... so determined and yet broken by his words.

_Until everything is cleared, I won't, I can't trust the **Plants**. _

_Those who are lost in battles... will never come back._

_That's why I'm really sick of things like these._

_I don't want to fight, please don't make me!_

What he had accused his friend of... what he had said... he didn't really think that, did he? Was there still a hinge of resentment deep within his heart?

No matter how long Athrun thought, he always found the same answer. He might have a long time ago blamed Kira, but now he just couldn't. He still dearly missed his friends, Rusty, Miguel, Heine... and Nicol. But these were the casualties of war.

In the end what _he_ felt now, was certainly very similar to Kira's own feelings. He had just reawakened those nasty memories.

Athrun realized that maybe he had been wrong. Kira was always the same. Where broken friendship and regret was concerned, he was still lost. Though strong he was on his beliefs for the world, he was at the same time lost in his feelings; just like everyone else, he had to grow up too fast.

Finally, Athrun moved and sat next to his best friend, peering at his still covered face. After a short silence, he sighed.

"You know Kira... what if... I asked you how you still feel about your friend's death...?"

Kira's body tensed slightly, perfectly knowing which friend Athrun was talking about. He knew he was treading on a dangerous floor, but they had to go through this, else nothing will be ever solved. When Athrun thought he would not answer, Kira said very softly, in almost a whisper:

"Tolle... I... I still miss him... but I've learned to come to term with that. I've learned there was no use to keep wallowing into self pity for not being able to protect all those people..." He glanced at him through the gap between his fingers. "I don't see what you're aiming at..."

"Then... let me rephrase it. Do you blame me for his death?"

"No!" His answer was immediate, without a hint of hesitation, as he got up suddenly. "Of course not, Athrun! It's painful to think about his death, but I don't blame you."

Violet eyes stared into emeralds, and the answer dawned upon him, only to be confirmed by Athrun's next words.

"So you already know how I feel. We are not different, Kira." A fleeting smile graced his features. "I also admit I did blame you in the past, just as you blamed me. My reaction on that day in Crete was mostly triggered by anger, frustration and helplessness. I told you before, I wanted to protect both you and Cagalli. I can't really explain why I acted that way," he shrugged and looked side way, " and for that, I'm sorry."

They looked at each other for a short time, a new understanding finally found. Kira smiled, mind much more at peace than before.

"I'm sorry too, for being an idiot, angsting every time the war is over."

Athrun had to laugh at that comment, and soon Kira joined in. This statement was _so_ true, for the both of them. It was time they learned to cope with life, and go on. Everything was finally normal between them.

After a while, Athrun thought back about the beginning of the conversation, and having decided to not hide anything anymore, decided to ask Kira what was bugging him.

"Tell me Kira..."

"Hm?" Kira leaned his head in his direction, signalling he was listening.

"Don't be upset by what I'm going to ask... but... Why are you so afraid to go on Plant?"

Kira shifted slightly uneasily and replied softly, eyes downcasted.

"Well... you know that I will always look after Lacus, right?"

A nod.

"You do also know I will have to join ZAFT for that?"

Another nod.

Oh.

"Yeah that's why..." Kira confirmed his suspicions. "It's not that I do not want to be in the military, if that's the price for protecting people and peace, I will pay it, just like you staying in Orb."

Kira shook his head and looked straight at Athrun.

"No the real problem is that, be it in this war or the last, I always fought _against_ ZAFT. First I was in the Earth Alliance, then Orb. How will people react to the fact that I, of all people, am going to be a high ranking officer? Did I also mention that Lacus said I will be a _commander_?" he finished his tirade with a drop of distaste in his voice.

No wonder he felt uneasy. Athrun didn't really think about that. Then again, he did also fought against Orb, but only for a short time unlike the brunette.

"I understand why you feel that way," he finally said, "but isn't it also your wish? Don't pay attention to others, they will get used to it. And ultimately, you did protect the Plants too, twice."

Kira nodded slowly. He knew the path he had chosen was far from easy, but he wouldn't go back. He had said it when he had faced Dullindal; _he will fight_.

"But then again you can always run away," Athrun teased him playfully, lightening the mood.

"No way. I have decided, and you know when I've made a decision, I keep it." He laughed slightly, and Athrun looked at him questioningly. "It's you I should be worried with running away, having to bear with my _violent_ stubborn sister."

Both laughed at that comment, when Kira suddenly added sombrely:

"But don't you dare making her cry again, Athrun."

Athrun stared earnestly into his amethyst orbs and nodded.

"Don't worry."

"I mean it, else you will regret it," Kira warned but a sparkle of amusement could be seen in his eyes.

"Or what? You're going to attack Orb? Your own sister's country?" Athrun raised an eyebrow mockingly but Kira smirked at him.

"I won't need that, some tales about our childhood should be more than enough."

The blue haired boy paled at the perspective. "Well hopefully you won't need that."

They laughed again, as if they hadn't laugh for years. They both knew it was moments like these they had to cherish. Finally their friendship was still there, as a proof that the link between people could not disappear. That forgiveness was always possible. That forgetting did not meant banish loved ones from one's mind, but merely accepting death and keeping their memory into one's heart. Forgiveness was one step, forgetting was another.

But in the end, Athrun and Kira need not worry about their friendship anymore. They had already learned how to forgive and forget.

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**Author Notes:** Hello! I know this one shot looks a lot like Reflexions to the Moon I wrote (for those who have read it, there is a small reference of it), but I still wanted to write something about Kira and Athrun after the second war, and Kira's feelings on him being in ZAFT (based on the ending of the last GSD Special Edition). I know it's not very elaborated, but that's what came between two maths homework...lol.

For those who are reading my other story Another Path, Another Destiny, don't worry, I'm not giving up! I just have too much schoolwork lately... I've written more than a half of the chapter, and with luck it should be up within two weeks. I'm sorry for the wait.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one shot!

Comments are always welcomed!


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